Life in between

Rediscovering My Roots

    For some reason I seem to have lost a little bit of my heritage.  For most of my life it seems i’ve struggled to find a balance between the two cultures that have defined who I am, and I have no idea why. Shouldn’t it be easy when I’m surrounded by a Spanish speaking family?  My own mother speaks Spanish to me still to this day, and I respond in English.  The fact of that matter is I’m more confident in my vocabulary in English, just as she is confident in her vocabulary in Spanish.  I don’t feel ashamed of my family at all!  In fact I love them and feel honored and proud of being Mexican American.  My family is as big of a part of my identity as being American, yet I have let the Mexican part of me slowly slip through the cracks for so many years. That’s no bueno.

What brought on this sudden realization?  Well, my kids.  I see now what my lack of confidence in speaking Spanish has done to not only me, but to my children.  I’m robbing them of something much bigger than being American; I’m robbing them of the fundamental roots that flow through their bloodline. I want them to grow up with the same family values and cultural affiliation as I did.  It’s a part of their DNA, so to ignore it and continue to let the strongest factor that maintains those ties dissolve, would change the next generation of my family history that I am responsible for.  I don’t want that to happen.  I can’t let that happen.

For this reason I have made a promise to myself, for my children and entire family, that I will try my hardest to find my way back to where my heart belongs.  This blog will document my journey.